Sometimes I Don't Want New Friends
I just want to talk shit with the homies
I get that we’re supposed to be constantly diversifying our perspectives and that we become better people through growth and introduction to new things, and that there’s an entire wide world out there just waiting for me to interact with it. But goddamn it sometimes I just want to talk about what I want to talk about.
I’ll start by saying that I’m pretty decent at interacting with humans. I enjoy first dates, I enjoy interviews, I enjoy mingling, networking and being dropped face-to-face with a stranger. There’s no social anxiety or fear at the core of it, but sometimes I don’t want to talk to new people. For reference, I’m 32 and I just moved to Boulder, Colorado. This is the fifth or so time in my life that I’ve lived in a brand new city, and it’s always been a pretty easy transition to find new groups of people and events and participate in the greater community because I have a pretty low activation energy to just go out and do things. And maybe it’s the age or the new phase of life, but I’m tired, boss.
I’ve always pursued connection to try to establish myself. I’m very open to new things and can sit back and let them wash over me and gauge what I like and what I don’t like, pick those out to keep, toss the rest back, and have a little bit of another life brought into my own. Maybe I’m being a dick here, but I feel like at this point, I know what I like. I’ve been incredibly intentional about narrowing down my interests into the frameworks, the architectural building blocks, of things that I enjoy. And everything else probably great in its own right but it doesn’t float to the top of the pile. These things include:
• Biology/Biochem
• Business
• Personal Development
• Playing Sports (but definitely not watching sports, unless it’s UFC)
• Writing
And beyond that, it can kick rocks.
What this really means is I’ve stopped going wider and started going deeper. You know, it’s high time that I got good at the things that I enjoy instead of just trying to find the things that I enjoy. Which has really helped to spend my time in ways that are fulfilling.
Like I’m sure that that barista class that teaches you about coffee beans and ethical sourcing and the proper equipment is incredibly interesting to the right person. But it is no longer worth my free time. Also in this category is reality TV, pro sports, cooking, stinky kitties, the Southwestern US, and most social media. Interest in fashion trends ended when I zeroed in on what my clothing style looks like aesthetically and texture-wise. I know some materials and some high quality brands, and beyond that, I just can’t give a damn. Cross it off the list.
I’m also starting to understand that it works the same way with human interaction and meeting new people. To be fair, it’s going to be really bad in the long run if all you do is stick to what you know, because it gets really insular. It feels so damn cozy to just hang out with your high school friends and never expand your perspectives, but the world will leave you behind. On the flip side, if all you’re doing is getting out there and meeting new people, you never establish depth. It’s like going to college and taking every single introductory class over the four years instead of ever really having a major. You’re collecting, not experiencing. Gotta find your balance.
I go to networking events now and realize pretty quickly when there is or isn’t overlap in interests. And oftentimes, if the only thing that’s drawing together this group of people is our professional sector, that is not a strong indicator of how we choose to spend our free time or what we find exciting. The world is broad, man. People are out there with hobbies that I don’t even know exist. Some pretty weird stuff, no doubt.
Not to say that my curiosity in people has waned or that I never want to meet strangers, but hearing about your latest tiramisu experiment is not going to bring me as much joy as discussing the two guys who got into a cage and tried to kick each other in the head. When I meet new people, I have to be careful not to prune my own leaves too much to make room for more plants, because I love my plants and I should be letting them grow, not just trying to expand the garden.
If I take this out to the extreme, it does mean that eventually I’ll only have a few friends and we’ll talk the same old bullshit. We’ll essentially be the good ol’ boys hanging around the gas station talking about when the principal got pantsed. While that may be hilarious for probably 30 years, eventually it gets old. As human beings, novelty is king. Life has to keep changing in order to be fulfilling. I don’t care how much you love your favorite food, you can’t have it for dinner every single night for the rest of your life and be satisfied. Even if you’re just adding some new spice to the spaghetti and it’s technically still spaghetti, it gives it a little kick to keep it fresh.
Balance.
With love, from me to you
-Alec
No AI was used to write, edit, or otherwise modify this article. Which may mean the article is worse, but at least it’s genuine.